Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
The best revenge is premature balding
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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