im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
My ATM looks so different sober.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
