What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
