We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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