and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
This show inspires me to have sex in space
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
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