Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
