I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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