Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
