Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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