could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
