Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
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