I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
