oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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