we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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