Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
