those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
