I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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