I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
