some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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