3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
ugly people sure do ruin things
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
