i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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