i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
