Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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