this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
