Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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