I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
