you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Panties = found
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
