i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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