I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
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