she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize
