i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
