Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
