WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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