dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
