he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
