If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
