i don't like sucking hair
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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