why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
