Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
