My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
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