this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
