U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
