Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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