well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
