Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
