I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
