No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
