Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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