Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
