Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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