I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
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