totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
