Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Randomize
