She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
