it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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