so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
