Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
