I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
