Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
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