Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
