Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
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