I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
