Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
