I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
