OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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