I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
