tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I forgot how hot balto sounded
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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