i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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