Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I woke up under a house in Key West
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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